Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Monkey tales (9.26.07)

The Bush administration and their Republican cohorts are responsible for so many splashy, headline grabbing catastrophic failures--tales of death, destruction, and economic ruin--that the depth of their crimes often goes unnoticed and uncommented upon. And even when the major media does notice, they jump through rhetorical hoops to cover for them.

The Interior Department’s program to collect billions of dollars annually from oil and gas companies that drill on federal lands is troubled by mismanagement, ethical lapses and fears of retaliation against whistle-blowers, the department’s chief independent investigator has concluded.

You see? In the New York Times Stylebook, rampant corruption becomes mismanagement and ethical lapses.


It’s still too soon to tell, but the early returns are encouraging that the Bush administration’s plan, along with the toadies at the Ny Daily News and Post, to bolster the power and status of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has been a success.
Mohsen Rezai, a former head of the Revolutionary Guards, denounced on the state-run news channel the inhospitable treatment of Mr. Ahmadinejad. “He is the president of a country,” he said. “It is shocking that a country that claims to be civilized treats him that way.”

Bush is criticized, and rightly so, for many of his miserable failures, but you have to give credit where credit is due. His administration has certainly been successful in helping out Mr. Ahmadinejad politically and furthering Iran’s interests throughout the middle east and Afghanistan.


In religious news, a prominent Mormon, considered by many to be a prophet, is convicted of aiding in the rape of a 14 year old girl. The rapist, a cousin she was forced to marry, was not charged.
The polygamist Warren S. Jeffs, hailed by his followers as a prophet but denounced by critics as a tyrannical cult leader, was convicted here on Tuesday of being an accomplice to the rape of a 14-year-old church member.

That is just another incident that demonstrates what a decadent society we have become. The Bible is full of prophets and heroes who married their 14 year old cousins (plural). When you consider how far we have gotten from the Bible, it’s no wonder there is so much wrong in the world. If people really believed in their religion, just about everybody would get stoned.


In sports, it turns out that the New England Patriots cheated their way to their Super Bowl victories and actually cheated during them.
But if the Patriots' tapes and documents contained no indication of cheating in the Super Bowl, it would be strongly in the NFL's interest to publicize this. Instead, the New England documents were shredded within roughly 48 hours of the NFL receiving them -- see timeline below. The rapid shredding occurred although Goodell said nothing about plans to destroy the materials when he was on national TV vowing his purpose was "maintaining the integrity of the NFL."

So the NFL joins the NBA, Major League Baseball, and professional Cycling among the ranks of the cheaters. Who would have guessed that Professional Wrestling’s business model would dominate all major sports?


In related news, government wants to ensure your right to fast and easy wealth, or a good time if nothing else.
Maryland Gov. Martin O'Malley said yesterday that he will propose slot machine gambling legislation "very similar" to a failed 2005 plan that sought to legalize 9,500 machines at racetracks and other locations...

If mom loses the house in the process, well, it was her own fault. Next, Gov. O’Malley plans to introduce legislation to sell drugs to teenagers. “Why shouldn’t we get a piece of that action?” he asked, rhetorically.


Ah, time is short and I’ve just started with the Wapo. Bush’s virtual fence isn’t working out as planned. Who woulda thunk it. Romney is embracing change. Of course he is. Airlines are urged to provide better customer service. I’m sure that initiative will produce results as soon as government guarantees their profits. World leaders press U.S. on climate change. That’s news? Episcopalians vow restraint on teh gay. Yep. Nation’s report card shows improvement? We’re #1! We’re #1! Feel better now?