Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Picture of the day

I don't know if I've ever told you that I'm a big Star Trek fan, but it's true. I'm one of those people who go to conventions and then dress up and wait in line for days before the movie opens. I've seen every episode of the original series like a gazillion times. I have an outfit like the robot Porrofatto, an obscure character with a caustic wit from one of the earlier episodes. Not many R. Porro's out there, I tell you what. Anyway, I stood in line all weekend, but unfortunately I was in the wrong line and didn't get into the opening. So I didn't see the movie until today after work. I took John Bob along because he hates Star Trek and I am an evil parent.

If you, too, are a serious trekkie and haven't seen it yet (hardly possible, I know)quit reading now. I'm about to give it all away. The new Star Trek movie tells the story of how the crew came together -- Jim, Bones, Spock, Scotty, Sulu, Chekov, and Uhura as very young people. Tears came to my eyes every time they hit a familiar note from the old show. I bawled on several occasions, like when Spock said "live long and prosper" or when Scotty said something along the lines of "She can't take it any more, she'll be breakin up." If Bones would have said "he's dead, Jim" I probably would have had to be institutionalized. It was bad enough as it was. My constant crying made others in the theatre uncomfortable.

But I did have several problems with the movie. For one, Kirk got beaten up constantly. He lost every fight he was in. It was like watching a twisted version of "The Passion of the Christ," only with a fictional character I cared about. William Shatner never would have lost all of those fights. And Uhuru chose Spock over Kirk. That would never happen. Not in 1968. Not ever. I tell you what. And the guy playing Spock from the future, Leonard Cohen I think, is way old. The plot? It turns out that all of the history of Star Trek as we know it was wiped out. A Romulan changed the timeline. Every episode we've ever seen never happened. Episodes? What episodes? It's all becoming cloudy. Star Trek Voyager? What the hell was that? William Shatner is a lawyer. Denny Crane, Denny Crane. It was all a bad dream. And now I'm awake. And in this timeline I am cool. Very cool. I don't dress up like anybody. Well, maybe like Joey Ramone, but not in a stupid green smock like before. Hallelujah. Great fucking movie. Changed my life.

And John Bob liked it. He wants to be Mr. Spock next Halloween. Not such a great idea. I tell you what.