Saturday, October 21, 2006

Helpful advice for imaginary friends

As you probably know, I don’t believe in the Democrats. I don’t believe in them in the same way that I don’t believe in Santa Claus. I simply don’t believe that they exist as an independent entity. They have the same relationship to the Republicans as the Washington Generals have to the Harlem Globetrotters. They are professional foils, that’s all, they will always bow to the people signing their paychecks.

Witness the current campaign for Congress. The “Democrats” have no policy differences whatsoever with the Republicans. The only thing the “Democrats” promise is to carry out the Republican policies more capably.

Nevertheless, on the off-chance that I am too cynical, I offer this strategic advice: Taint the Republican candidates with the word “Bush” in every pejorative way imaginable. John McCain, for example, is “Bush-whipped.” Not only are the Republican candidates Bush-whipped, they support Bush league strategies. In short, they are a bunch of stupid pussies. That’s a message the Nascar crowd can understand, even after a case of Bud Lite.

I’ll go out on a limb and predict that the Republicans will hold both the House and Senate, even if the “Democrats” technically win. And yes, they can go out and celebrate by fucking a cow, and probably will, but that doesn’t do the rest of us any good.

On a happier note, enjoy the fall foliage. Larger image here.