Sheer heart attack

I saw "The Wrestler" last night. I'm not exactly the fanboy type, especially towards actors or actresses, but Mickey Roarke was always a bit of an exception. I'm not qualified to make statements such as "greatest performance ever," but Roarke's work in "Barfly" has to be up there. And I think "Angel Heart" would rank somewhere among the better films of all time had they not cast Lisa Bonet in such a crucial role. Roarke has a tragedian charm that, at least for me, is unmatched by any other actor. At the moment, I can't think of anyone who comes close.

So I was naturally interested in seeing "The Wrestler." But I was beginning to be put off by the hype. Had I waited another day or two, I might not have seen it until it played on FX or AMC. I'll bet you, reader, have heard all about it as well. A stunning comeback performance. Roarke inhabits the character. Roarke is the character. A tale of redemption in which real life mirrors fiction. I think if I would have read another glowing review of his performance, I'd start calling it "Barf Fly."

Nevertheless, I was able to overcome my revulsion at all the hype and see the movie. And I'm glad I did, even though it's not exactly what I'd call a pleasant experience. The earlier wrestling sequences rank among the most gruesomely violent that I can recall. The lead-up to the wrestler's heart attack was so intense that a member of the audience had some kind of medical emergency at the same time the Wrestler vomited and fell to the floor. At first everyone thought it was a heart attack. 911 must have received 100 calls. The lights went up, theater security appeared. The paramedics were on their way. But the guy recovered enough to walk out and the movie continued. Did that episode color my perception of how intense and disturbing that film sequence was? I don't think so. It's really that disturbing. Not pleasant at all.

I'm not sure what I think of Roarke's oh-so-famous and hyped performance. I guess it hinges on the extent to which he really is such a burned out shell of his former self versus the extent to which he was just acting that way. The Mickey Roarke of old appears trapped in an immense, and immensely grotesque body only capable of communicating anything beyond the sheer tragedy of its existence by lumbering and wheezing. Roarke's charm of old only comes out in a few scenes. There's one in which he and Marisa Tomei flirt in a bar that is just sublime in a film appreciation kinda way. And a few other flashes, but for the most part, the Wrestler's face is frozen and his eyes are dead. His body tells most of the story.

So maybe I should give Mick the benefit of the doubt? He was always a great physical actor--"Barfly" being exhibit A--but perhaps that was overshadowed somewhat by his immense charm? Hopefully, the Roarke of old is still in there somewhere, and could come out for more than a few brief flashes. It will be great if he can keep his shit together and get a lot more prominent roles in quality movies. I hate to think what he did to his body for that part. Hopefully, there was a lot of Hollywood magic making him look that pumped, but it sure appears he took a lot steroids. It sure as hell didn't come natural.

Normally, I care much, much more about the story than the acting, really only noticing the acting if it's abominably bad. "The Wrestler" is a great story in a collective unconscious-kinda-way. It's been told over and over and over again in many, many similar forms. Down-and-out hero makes a comeback. That's it. Story-wise, nothing in "The Wrestler" will surprise you. It all hinges on how well the filmmakers pull it off. Roarke comes through. And Marisa Tomei is good as well. She plays an older stripper who is losing her allure. My only criticism of her part might be that she looks way too good for that role. Yep, if you're some kinda crazed Marisa Tomei fan dying to see her spend extended time dancing in a G-string, this is the movie for you. She certainly takes some risks.

Anyway, I thought the filmmakers were doing a good job pulling off the age-old story comeback story until the very end. The final image was too predictable and abrupt, though I guess just about any believable ending would have been predictable at that point. Still, I would have handled it differently.

Picture of the day

Picture of today (inauguration day)

chuckling rues a good thing

Apparently, Supreme Court "Justice" Samuel Alito is a petty little prick as well as a constitutional disaster. It seems he snubbed the President-elect because Obama voted against his confirmation to the court:

But when you look at his record - when it comes to his understanding of the Constitution, I have found that in almost every case, he consistently sides on behalf of the powerful against the powerless; on behalf of a strong government or corporation against upholding American's individual rights.

To put it mildly.

Delving deeper into the Obama's speech, we see that the President-elect is not right 100 percent of the time:

I have no doubt that Judge Alito has the training and qualifications necessary to serve. He's an intelligent man and an accomplished jurist. And there's no indication he's not a man of great character.

Well, he's obviously not a man of great character. He is, as both his official and private actions demonstrate, a small-minded, insecure little man of low character who detests the constitution and most of the rights normal decent Americans hold to be sell-evident.

I trust Obama is right to be publicly gracious to Alito and all the other pathetic right wing gits who have done so much damage to our country and the world, but sometimes I can't help wishing he were not such a better man than I. How great would it be for Obama to respond to Alito's snub by saying that it's a perfect illustration why the man has no business on the Supreme Court? Just say I toldya so. It would be great, I tell ya. Rub their fucking noses in it till they have no noses left to rub. Goddammed miserable failures. Why should anyone treat them with even a farthing's worth of respect? No reason, that's why.

Okay, no reason unless you want to govern effectively. And good luck with that B. Sincerely. But if all that honorable behavior fails, a great opportunity to put those fucking fuckers in their place will have been missed and they'll use the respect you've accorded them to fuck us all over again. And it will no doubt be worse next time. The only thing those fucks ever learn from their failures is to double their bets on the losing strategy.

But perhaps it won't play out that way. If Obama maintains his public graciousness while directing the justice department to thoroughly investigate any crimes that occurred under the Bush administration and relentlessly prosecute any criminals, then perhaps the damage can be contained. But if these scumbags are allowed to get away with it, the Bush-Obama years will, at best, be described as 1078 steps backwards, two steps forward. Then we'll have someone like Palin or another Bush to take us another thousand steps backwards. All that, and without the benefit of a helluva lotta well-earned payback.

Notes on the new economy

A passel of bills arrived at the chuckling household yesterday. A close examination found that Verizon had, yet again, added services which we did not request. For a small fee, of course. And we noticed that Citibank was playing games with our Visa card. Although the interest rate that was listed on the bill had not increased, the actual amount of money we were paying in interest had gone up significantly with no upward change in the balance.

A couple phone calls took care of these matters. Verizon grudgingly reverted us back to the plan for which we actually agreed to pay. Citibank explained that our interest rate actually had gone up, but it wasn't on the bill and they didn't tell us about it because, well, you know, the economy... They grudgingly put us back to the old rate. So, obviously, the policy is to blatantly rip people off and reluctantly make good on it if anyone notices.

Point is, these giant corporations are unregulated criminal fucking enterprises that will rob us at every given opportunity. Our tax money is simply not enough. Sorry, you knew that. Real point is, better examine your bills carefully.

Blessed be

More than a few survivors of the recent plane crash, and a helluva lot of observers, suspect that an invisible being that purportedly created the universe and wields awesome superpowers was complicit in events surrounding the crash.

One gentlemen fervently believes that the invisible super-being put him on the plane specifically to save a baby. Another woman believes this awesome god softened the landing in order to save her life. Countless others offer the survival of all aboard as proof positive that god guided the pilot's hand.

I share these observations as additional proof that humans are, at best, stupid fucking monkeys. First, these idiots don't notice that the awesome super being either caused the crash or was powerless against an evil super being to stop it. Furthermore, they assume that they themselves are the center of the universe. In the verifiably insane worldview created by their feeble brains, invisible super beings use their awesome power to put little people like themselves in specific situations which often include a lot of death and destruction for other people. The result of this is public praise for the invisible super being who created the mess in the first place. The all-powerful creator of the universe simply lives for flattery, and probably a bucket of blood to boot.

Yea, that all makes sense. But I guess the delusion of starring in a drama in which the creator of the universe arranges all of creation to make you feel important is more more rewarding for a stupid fucking monkey than simply eating one's bananas and liking it.

New tune, same old fiddle

Shorter Peter Beinhart:

People (Liberals) who have been prove right on just about everything are dangerous and should be totally ignored until they admit that the surge worked and kiss the asses of all us serious thinkers who so intelligently shilled for Bush through every crime and travesty.

In related news, an intern here at chuckling on-line magazine did a little genealogical research and found that Beinart is related to the little known Roman thinker, Pieter Beinhartodus. As Rome burned and Nero fiddled, Beinhartodus stood on a box in the middle of Rome and screamed that all those anti-Nero fanatics would have to admit that history had proven Nero right about the fourteenth expedition of the Parthinian campaign before they could criticize him about the destruction of the empire.

Picture of today

chuckling digs a hole

I was in southern Illinois a few years ago. You probably don't know this, but that's one of the wilder parts of America. Coal country. If you're looking for a bar fight, you won't have to look far. Shawneetown is legendary in that respect, I almost lost an eye there, but any little town will do. And the strippers? You wouldn't believe. There used to be this place called Le Maroc down near Carbondale (Carbondale? Think about that name). But let's not go there. Not now.

Anyway, I stopped at a liquor store in some little town pop. 150 or so. The guy behind the counter was exactly the kind of fat slob you see in small towns all across the back country. Dressed in camouflage. Beard. Muddy four wheel drive rusting out around back. If he didn't live in a trailer, he lived in a tumble down shack. The only thing out of place was the little Asian woman scrubbing the floor. She didn't look educated. I assumed he'd gotten her from one of those foreign bride services. Probably got sold to send money back to her family. Slaving for that disgusting asshole. Made me sick. It really did. That image of him behind the counter and her on the floor. It lingers.

A thread on Pandagon brought that image back to me. Amanda's original post was about something completely different, but some of the commenters brought up the phenomena of American men importing foreign women, presumably third world women, to be subservient slave brides, free of any kind of feminist mentality. But you know, I've spent a lot of time abroad and have dated as many foreigners as I have Americans. What do I think?

Now don't jump to conclusions. None of the women I've dated were remotely subservient. The subject came up last summer at Burning Man (you'd be surprised how many men daydream about the subservient Asian bride (well, maybe you wouldn't))and my flippant response was I'd rather be with someone I can enjoy wine, cheese and interesting conversation with than some kind of peasant slave girl who would reliably clean up after me and never say no to a spot of boom boom. Seriously. I don't see how I could possibly have a romantic relationship with a woman who isn't a feminist. Not necessarily an academic feminist, but at least someone who believes in basic equality.

But in my very limited experience (considering the population of the world), I do see a difference between third world women and Americans. Basically, my observation is that foreign women realize that men are dogs and set their expectations accordingly, whereas American women expect men to be women. I don't mean that they expect men to be effeminate. I mean that in the idealized belief in what it means to be a woman, that they expect men to be wise, hard working, and selfless. The result of these unrealistic expectations is often disappointment. Bitter disappointment. Better to be realistic, I say, and count yourself lucky if you're wrong and some guy, against nearly all odds, turns out to be decent. But realistically, you'll rarely go broke betting on the perfidy of the human male.

Picture of today

Baseball fans enjoy!. These pics were taken at Ebbets Field, legendary home of the Brooklyn Dodgers.

Le cirque qui est nos temps

Just a couple tidbits from our current age of financial insanity. Recent events have brought to light the rents paid by two iconic establishments in New York's Rockefeller Center. The Rainbow room, a spiffy restaurant and dance hall, has been paying $6 million per year while a nearby French bookstore has had its rent raised to $1 million.

Gotta sell a lotta pasta and hoity toity French books to make those rents, eh. Never mind the labor costs. Screwing the help can only get you so far in this unjust world. The landlord can take those small windfalls away no problem.

Yep, our system of oligarchical capitalism is sustainable. Sustainable like a Ponzi scheme. Our economic system? Ponzi scheme? Oh, sorry. Please excuse the tautology.

Le singe de le cirque

The Gothamist reports that management at the restaurant Le Cirque has been stealing tips from their waiters. Le Cirque, you may recall, recently received multiple blessings from Roman Catholic Cardinal Egan, head of the New York Archdiocese.

So not only did this Grand Poobah of Christianity perform like a trained monkey for the owner of Le Cirque (that's The Circus in French, so I'm calling him a circus monkey, get it?), he essentially blessed the practice of rich fucks thieving from the poor. Management reportedly tipped him well for his performance. Wags suspect little, if any, of that silver made it to the poor.

Picture of today

Picture of the day

That piece of shit computer is fucked

Bad news in the computer world. Apple announced that Steve Jobs would be staying on as CEO. Don't get me wrong. I wish him nothing but the best of health, and I know he's made a few good moves in the past, but frankly, these days I think he's bringing down the company and, by extension, the computer industry and the world. Certainly my world. We'd all be better off if he'd retire.

Furthermore, I'm starting to think the government should get involved. Apple's monopoly on personal computers is harmful to the economy. Certainly my economy. And in these tough economic times, we shouldn't permit monopolies to squelch so much productivity. We need healthy competition in the personal computer market and as long as Apple is all there is, the price of a decent computer will remain out-of-reach for too many good, hard working Americans.

As the headline indicates, my piece of shit computer is fucked. A new one costs well over $2500. Why so expensive, you ask. It's because Apple doesn't just make a simple, medium sized box that you can just throw in plenty of RAM and some hard drives. It's either weak-assed crap for people who only surf the web and write email or a supercomputer for people working on high end video projects. Nothing in between. Honestly, the government should step in. It's simply not right that there is no competition in this area which is so vital to the national interest. Certainly my national interest. And don't even ask about Linux. I'm not going there.

Are you listening, Mr. President-elect? Want to get the economy moving? Sue Apple to make them provide an affordable computer that's useful to normal people. Wanna cut some taxes? Start with the Apple tax.

Another picture of yesterday

Picture of the day

Crimes and revelations

The Washington post reports that "More Groups Than Thought Monitored in Police Spying."

Thought by whom? Anyone who's not severely retarded, a major media "journalist" or a conservative intellectual knows that police will monitor any group remotely critical of a radical right wing agenda if given the least bit of leeway. When, in the history of the world, has this ever failed to happen?

One of the possible "crimes" in the file police opened on Amnesty International, a world-renowned human rights group: "civil rights."

No, the revelation that police consider the promotion of human rights, working for bike lanes, treating animals well, opposing war or war crimes or advocating civil rights to be thought crimes, if not terrorist activities is no surprise whatsoever. The surprise would be if they had any concept of constitutional democracy or if they didn't abuse their power.

On a totally unrelated note, our previous three articles were, you know, just jokes we make for the amusement of our readers who may work for police agencies. The editors at chuckling on-line magazine fervently believe the rich should always get richer, we are steadfast in our staunch support of Likud, umm we mean Isreal, and we realize that the only thing Jesus loves better than money is America. Just want to be clear on all that. Wouldn't want any misconceptions, you know.

Poster boy politics

Today we see the first tangible results of chuckling on-line magazine’s crusade to tax the wealthy back to reality. Two-thirds of Britons, it seems, want the rich to face high tax rates not seen since the 1980s. Of course we’re advocating a progressive tax more like the 1950’s than 1980’s, but we’ll take whatever progress we can get.

How many Americans think we should tax the rich back to reality? Hmmmm. That’s not something likely to come up for discussion round here, is it? When it comes to what our rulers quaintly refer to as “class war,” the anti-war movement is strong indeed. In that sense, big business, media, and both (nominal) political parties are all rabid peaceniks. And they agree that the only way to keep the peace is by a policy of I got mine, Jack, fuck you and your’n.

Nevertheless, receptive minds are out there. As the economy settles into each stage of its collapse, the results of our pro out-of-control looting by the rich policy are becoming clear. It’s not only the ridiculous unfairness of using public policy to enrich a miniscule minority of pathological greedheads at the expense of the great majority; or the economic ruin to which those policies inevitably lead: the fuck you and your’n policy is a terminal threat to democracy as well(unless by democracy we mean that every dollar gets an equal vote). Our slide into aristocracy and corrupt oligarchy is a far bigger problem than executive pay.

The current travails of the world’s wealthiest assholes give us a window into this insanity of which we must not speak. They have recently lost billions and billions of dollars, yet remain rich beyond any reasonable dream.The American who lost the most - $24 billion - was casino operator Sheldon Adelson, reputed to be worth $28 billion in March. So he’s still got $4 billion. Do you know how much $4 billion is? If you put it in a savings account earning 1 percent per annum, you’d make $40 million a year. What can you do with $40 million a year? Anything you fucking want. That’s what. And you'll still have a lot left over to give to your worthless kids who would never have to earn a single fucking thing in their entire lives.

What possible good does it do anyone to put all of that wealth in the hands of sociopaths? Little good at all and a whole helluva lot of bad. I realize that it is not exactly a zero sum game, but at some point the pathological greedheads really are taking money away from people who work hard and play by the rules. We are way past that point. It’s time for the pendulum to swing the other way.

Granted, a little bit of progress is on the table. Obama would restore the top two income tax rates to their pre-2001 levels. But that still leaves them at under 40 percent and does almost nothing to address the most egregious forms of excessive wealth: capital gains and inheritance. Obama’s tax plan is symbolic, at best.

What we need is for someone to make the argument, which shouldn’t be that difficult. In essence, it’s about freedom and fairness. Almost all Americans agree that a person should be able to profit from hard work, whether that profit be realized in excess wealth or security. Most people want to live in a meritocracy, not an aristocracy or corrupt oligarchy. We need to demonstrate that our fuck you and your’n regressive tax policies are anathema to meritocracy as well as democracy. And we have to look no further than George W. Bush to find our poster boy.

It may not be quite as simple as this, but it could be a place to start. We should examine George W’s life and figure out what could have been done to keep such a total loser rich fuck from being in a position to become president without earning a single fucking thing even once in his ridiculously privileged life. Once we have identified the necessary policies to keep a total loser rich fuck loser like George W. from being showered with every possible advantage in this life, we need to implement those policies.

Start with the inheritance tax. Check. College legacies. Check. Progressive tax code, capital gains. Check. Strengthened democracy. Check.

And there are plenty of other poster boys out there. Fuck’em, is chucking on-line magazine's editorial position. Before they fuck us (even more).

Millinery fears

Poor chuckling on-line magazine has been deluged by emails asking why we haven't written anything about the current crisis in the middle east. Are we not staunch supporters of Israel? Have we become anti-semites? Are we okay with the imminent nucular annihilation of the Holy Land?

No, my friends, it is nothing like that. Rest assured, we still love Israel above all others. But the truth is that we are very much afraid of Hamas and would prefer they take no notice of us. That's because, according to many respectable sources, Hamas has awesome, nearly god-like powers to manipulate both people and nations to do their bidding. Like puppets on a string, I tell ya. Well, we don't want to become puppets. We don't want to lose our free will and become automatons, powerless to resist being mind-controlled by all-powerful terrorists. So we have kept quiet.

I won't bore you with a lot of links. You can go to any major news site and read reports of how Hamas uses their evil mind control to force Israel to attack them. Worse than that, the dastardly villains force Israel to kill women and children. Imagine the power it must take to force someone to kill children. It's horrific.

And their control is not limited to the poor souls in Israel. Hamas has the United States, even George W. Bush, in their evil mind grip. We are powerless to do anything to stop the carnage. Worse than that, we are forced to make it worse. Hamas forces us to supply money and weapons to Israel to kill even more.

You can see why we are scared. Cause if you think Hamas is powerful, don't even get us started about Hezbollah. Or, I shudder to even think the word, Iran. And we've already seen what the mind control masters at Al Quaeda can do. They've made George W. Bush dance for how many years now?

Scared yes, but silent no longer. We are Americans and although we ourselves may not be ingenuous, we can still make use of America's god-given proclivity for ingenuity. We consulted a group of experts at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) and were provided with this important scientific information. Now we are able to write whatever we want without fear of Hamas. And we are starting up a non-profit to use this information to help our good friends in Israel. Something like an airlift. The sooner we can get these items to the Holy Land, the sooner the Israelis can regain their free will. We suggest that you take immediate precautions as well. (Note to our right wing friends, it may even work against Obama.)